Valorie Kondos Field: Leadership as a Performance Art

Valorie Kondos Field, known as Miss Val, is a world-renowned gymnastics coach (with no gymnastics experience). Her journey from dance to coaching collegiate athletes and Olympians is astounding. In this episode we talk about her career, her leadership values, her mentorship with the legendary John Wooden, and even her journey with breast cancer. 

In this episode you will find:

• The vantage and behaviors of today's student-athletes
• How drastically the "playing field" has changed in college athletics
• How her growth in wisdom occurred
• How her journey involved learning to let go and trust others

Follow Miss Val on Instagram at: www.instagram.com/missvalkondos
Learn more and purchase her book here: https://www.officialmissval.com/

Learn more about Foster at fostermobleymt.com or follow us on Instagram and LinkedIn at Foster Mobley.

www.instagram.com/fostermobley
https://www.linkedin.com/in/fostermobley/

To purchase Dr. Foster Mobley's book, Leadersh*t: Rethinking the True Path to Great Leading, click here.

Transcript

00:00:08:07 - 00:00:16:10

Foster Mobley

Hey!

00:00:16:13 - 00:00:48:23

Foster Mobley

Welcome back to stepwise. I can't name or think about today's guest without breaking into a smile, and I'm guessing that's a reaction that many of you have as well. If you know this person. I'm speaking of Valorie Kondos Field, recently retired head gymnastics coach at UCLA. After 29 years, multiple national titles, countless Olympians. She's also an author, keynote speaker, producer, cancer survivor, and partner to one of the coolest dudes on the planet.

00:00:49:00 - 00:01:20:08

Foster Mobley

So why did I choose an athletic leader here? In our first season of mostly corporate leaders being featured, here's why. She's interesting as hell. Hence my earlier comment about the smile. And part of that is that Valorie is an unconventional leader. She coached in an industry, a very, very precise industry in which she had no technical grounding. That is, she was never a gymnast herself, but rather a dancer and a piano player.

00:01:20:11 - 00:01:50:17

Foster Mobley

In my years of experience working with Miss Val, as she is known. She brings that creativity into many parts of her leadership. I think of her very much in the spirit of who she is, that of a choreographer, and a wonderful combination of heart based connectedness with her athletes and a determined doer with incredibly high standards. In full transparency, Valorie is a friend and, frankly, family since 2008.

00:01:50:19 - 00:02:22:07

Foster Mobley

She's got a lot to share about the many challenging forces impacting on student athletes today, which I believe are quite similar to the corporate worlds challenges. She talks about her mentorship from her close friend and fellow legendary coach John Wooden. And she is super clear on the values and moral grounding central to her leadership. I hope you enjoyed this conversation with a legendary leader mentor to many and a close friend, Valorie Kondos Field.

00:02:22:09 - 00:02:26:28

Foster Mobley

Welcome, Valorie Kondos Field. Please introduce yourself as you would like to be known.

00:02:26:28 - 00:02:55:24

Valorie Kondos Field

I have been known as myself since 1982. I was the head coach of the UCLA gymnastics team for 29 years. The reason why I got the moniker misspell was because I was a professional ballet dancer. When I got to UCLA and started working, as the dance coach with the gymnastics team and one of the student athletes said, well, if you're not, you've never done gymnastics and you're not a coach, then should we call you Miss Val instead of Coach Val?

00:02:55:24 - 00:03:35:29

Valorie Kondos Field

And I said, sure, call me Miss Val. And it stuck ever since 1982. Since then, I've had a tremendous, unbelievable career leading young women from the ages of 18 to 22 and also leading our staff, which was always very interesting because they were extremely accomplished in the sport of gymnastics, which I was not at all. So I would like to be known as a coach that came into the world of athletics, did it her way, and set the program that I lead apart from every other gymnastics program, literally in.

00:03:35:29 - 00:03:37:29

Foster Mobley

The world, and a part in what ways.

00:03:38:01 - 00:04:01:15

Valorie Kondos Field

And the fact that our sport is called artistic gymnastics. And early on in my career, when I was having imposter syndrome and wanting to quit, I thought I was hired for a reason. What do I bring that's unique to this position? And it was so clear to me it was like, yeah, I've never done a cartwheel and I can't teach a proper cartwheel.

00:04:01:17 - 00:04:32:28

Valorie Kondos Field

But there's nobody coaching in the sport of gymnastics as a head coach or an assistant coach that has my history in the world of classical ballet and choreography. I knew that I could bring to life the movement of these gymnast force in ways that hadn't been showcased before on this level. And it is interesting because I have people say to me, since I retired, UCLA still has the talent.

00:04:33:00 - 00:05:06:12

Valorie Kondos Field

What is different? And as I dissect it, that it truly is sweating the small stuff and that minutia and the maniacal attention to the detail. It was the only thing I knew growing up in the world of ballet. Like, you don't perform with wisps in your hair. You don't. You go, you have your toes. So tell the student athletes, if you can see the audience, the audience can see you, and someone is looking at you at all times.

00:05:06:14 - 00:05:19:02

Valorie Kondos Field

And so there was this confidence and poise that I feel. Our team became known for because we sweat the small stuff.

00:05:19:04 - 00:05:53:18

Foster Mobley

Let's talk a little bit about the environment for that same student athlete today. And the coach, their leader today. We have a lot more attention to mental health. We've got a lot more attention to money. We've got a lot more attention to competitive opportunities for that person's time. We've got social media that is unbridled and out of control, that threaten to control the narrative of all of our student athletes and staff, of all the environmental things that are going on today.

00:05:53:18 - 00:05:58:05

Foster Mobley

If you were head coach today, which ones would get most of your attention?

00:05:58:07 - 00:06:31:28

Valorie Kondos Field

The social media aspect and really having conversations with the student athletes about being intentional with every single thing, not just that they post, but that they like or they dislike, or they reply to or respond to, and really explaining to them the difference between being reactive and being responsive, responding. I've talked with so many high school and college students that are just overwhelmed with life.

00:06:32:00 - 00:06:54:04

Valorie Kondos Field

Why? And the sad part is, they don't realize that. I ask them, you know, look at your phone, how much time are you spending scrolling through social, you know, out like 6 to 8 hours y to numb out. Well, what's that doing? That's only putting more stuff in your brain to have to deal with. You're not creating brain space by scrolling through social.

00:06:54:06 - 00:07:06:27

Valorie Kondos Field

So, you know, just like most things in our life, the genie is out of the bottle. And now we're trying to effect the genie and compartmentalize the genie, which is not easy to do.

00:07:07:00 - 00:07:24:23

Foster Mobley

What are the best leaders doing today to help these young student athletes create more brain space, to be more intentional, to be less reactive, driven by their cell phones, driven by social media, and numbing out.

00:07:24:25 - 00:07:49:29

Valorie Kondos Field

The best leaders, in my opinion, are those that model the behavior that that they would like to instill in those who they are leading. I don't think you can really listen to someone, see them, hear them. If you are dictating how they should be acting, you need to model the behavior. You need to invite them to do the same.

00:07:50:01 - 00:08:13:12

Valorie Kondos Field

You know, leaders walk side by side the people who they are leading. Great leaders do. And in that walk, just model the behavior including—because our world is changing so quickly—including model how to have the humility to be able to say, “I don't know the answer to that, but I am going to figure that out.”

00:08:13:15 - 00:08:32:12

Foster Mobley

I love what you're saying. The willingness to not dictate, but listen and inquire and invite those are very different words that we would have heard ten years ago, 15 years ago. How has your thinking of the leadership challenges evolved over the years?

00:08:32:15 - 00:09:10:21

Valorie Kondos Field

I was very, very, very fortunate to have learned all of this, like 30 years ago when I very first started coaching. And I say I was fortunate because I knew nothing about the sport of gymnastics. And so the beauty in that was I had to ask 100 questions a day. And as we know now, the best way to teach is to give even just a correction or ask them to figure it out and then get back off and give them 4 or 5 turns.

00:09:10:23 - 00:09:34:11

Valorie Kondos Field

Figuring this out on their own versus the way most coaches coach, they give a correction every single term, which is coaching from your ego, really. So my ignorance was one of my gifts because it allowed me to understand transformative coaching for them as well as for me.

00:09:34:14 - 00:09:40:20

Foster Mobley

And just because you came from a very different background, that you didn't have that kind of technical part to fall back on.

00:09:40:22 - 00:10:07:25

Valorie Kondos Field

Yes. And my first 2 or 3 years that I was a head coach, I was horrible. I postured as a head coach and I pretended to have answers and nobody believed me. We were horrible. We sucked as a team. But it wasn't because we didn't have talent. We sucked because the leader was coming from a place of inauthenticity.

00:10:07:26 - 00:10:20:09

Valorie Kondos Field

I was literally mimicking people that I thought were great leaders. They weren't great leaders. They were great technicians and strategists.

00:10:20:12 - 00:10:38:26

Foster Mobley

I would assume you can't tell every athlete everything that's floating in your mind at any given time. You have to tell the truth about some things and maybe hold back. I'm guessing on other things at times. Where are the limits of authenticity in your mind?

00:10:39:02 - 00:11:00:28

Valorie Kondos Field

Something that I actually recently learned. I read something that Rumi said, before you speak, make sure that all of your words pass through three gates. And is it true? Is it kind and is it necessary? And some of the areas that I've been looking back on my career that I didn't do a good job leading and coaching. Was it true?

00:11:00:29 - 00:11:26:01

Valorie Kondos Field

Yeah. Was it kind? Yeah. Because I think being clear is kind. Was it necessary in that moment? And when I did it. Crappy job in coaching. It's that third one that I kept. Check that box. It was not necessary. And I said it anyway because I thought, well, if I'm being authentic, I have to say everything I'm thinking.

00:11:26:04 - 00:11:38:06

Valorie Kondos Field

And if I have to tell her how she's screwing up, well, maybe I do. But is it necessary in a team meeting? No, I would have been better. One on one. Yeah.

00:11:38:08 - 00:11:48:09

Foster Mobley

That requires a great deal of intentionality, self-awareness, maturity, all of that on the part of the leader.

00:11:48:11 - 00:12:20:09

Valorie Kondos Field

It's really easy to get into the little ego lane when you're a leader. When you have a title. It's really easy to just get all puffed up and think that you have the right to say whatever you want, however you want, whatever you want. But that is not staying true to your task of effecting change. I think every single coach, maybe parent, maybe teacher has said the same lines over and over and over and over.

00:12:20:12 - 00:12:32:24

Valorie Kondos Field

I've told her a hundred times. Stop listening to yourself talk and figure out a different way, because you've not taught until they've learned, right? So figure out a different way.

00:12:32:26 - 00:13:00:03

Foster Mobley

There's an interesting switch here that's occurring that I really love. When I initially started these interviews, I was thinking about authenticity as something that is just self-focused, like, I'm going to be authentic, I'm going to tell the truth. What you're implying is, especially with the room, is three screens. The leader really has to be other centered. They have to pay attention to what's going on in that column.

00:13:00:03 - 00:13:24:14

Foster Mobley

Follower called student athlete column whatever as well as, you know, kind of making some choices about is it true, is it fair? Is it necessary? And also the stuff you're talking about with respect to listening, inviting, walking alongside of that really implies an other centeredness. Where have you seen a leader do that really well?

00:13:24:15 - 00:13:52:11

Valorie Kondos Field

Well, as you know, I had the greatest mentor on the planet and John Wooden. And one thing that everybody who knew coach would say is he never gave advice. And he would ask questions that would stimulate your own authentic response. Very quick story. It was 911, and it was the first day that our team was reporting for that year.

00:13:52:14 - 00:14:09:27

Valorie Kondos Field

And I got in my car, turn on the news, and I hear the horrific news of what happened. And so everything that I was going to talk to our team about is thrown out the window now. It's like, well, I'm not going to talk to him about winning a national championship. Plus, we had an athlete, Kristen Maloney, who was flying out of Pennsylvania, and we hadn't heard from her.

00:14:09:29 - 00:14:29:09

Valorie Kondos Field

So I called Coach Wooden and I said, coach, and I explained to him my first team meeting, I got nothing now, like everything that I had is thrown out the way I got nothing. And he said, honey, just follow your heart. And I said, no, no, no, you don't get it. I need more than that. I got I got nothing.

00:14:29:11 - 00:14:52:13

Valorie Kondos Field

And he said again, honey, trust me and follow your heart. And I was like, okay, well, I'm not getting anything out of Coach Wooden. So I had the team meeting, and as soon as we sit down, one of our student athletes, Carly Raab, everybody's crying. Thank God Kristen Maloney is there, but Ellie's crying. Carly says to me, Miss Val, after this meeting, we're supposed to go in the gym and do gymnastics.

00:14:52:15 - 00:15:20:02

Valorie Kondos Field

It would seem so trivial compared to what's happening in our world. I don't think I can go in the gym today and train. I don't know if I ever will be able to play gymnastics, a sport again. And she said, why would we do that? And it was so clear. The answer was so clear. Because we get to because we live in a country that has protected our freedoms, especially as women, to play games and get an education.

00:15:20:09 - 00:15:45:02

Valorie Kondos Field

So not only are we going to go in that gym and play sport, but what we're going to do with with more intention and attention and appreciation than we've ever done in your entire lives. So the beauty of Coach Wooden's leadership with me was, as you were talking about, had he told me what was authentic to him to say, it wouldn't have been authentic in the moment.

00:15:45:04 - 00:15:51:00

Foster Mobley

And in fact, that because we get to became a mantra for you for many years after.

00:15:51:02 - 00:16:12:28

Valorie Kondos Field

Yes. And it's it hit home with me when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I was scared out of my living mind. But I went to the doctor the next day and she said, had I gotten diagnosed ten years earlier, they had nothing for me. But if I chose, I love that word choose. If I chose to get chemotherapy for a year in surgery.

00:16:13:00 - 00:16:26:28

Valorie Kondos Field

She knew it was going to work. And it was like, oh, I don't have to get chemotherapy. I get to get chemotherapy, I get to get chemotherapy because I live at a time that have the chemo, and I live in a country that has the chemo and I the a was just going to help them pay for the chemo.

00:16:26:28 - 00:16:45:28

Valorie Kondos Field

I was so excited to get chemotherapy. I called it going to my chemo spa because a spa place, some place you go to get better. So there's this notion of switching have to to get to it. Like changes your brain frequencies and the chemicals in your brain. Gratitude. We know that no.

00:16:46:00 - 00:16:57:24

Foster Mobley

And reframing the challenge to something that's much more actionable, much more positive, much more consistent with your whole life's worldview is a powerful thing that a leader does, and you did it for yourself. There.

00:16:57:26 - 00:17:16:24

Valorie Kondos Field

I did, and I and again, I modeled that behavior for my student athletes. And I remember one of them saying to me, Sam said, Miss Val, you don't have to be up and happy for us. You know, like you're going to chemo tomorrow. You don't have to be gone. Oh, I'm going to my chemo spa. I'm like, no, no, no.

00:17:17:00 - 00:17:30:09

Valorie Kondos Field

I'm not doing it for you. I'm literally going to have poison shot through my veins. Tomorrow is going to give me more days on Earth. That's a really good thing. It's not a bad thing.

00:17:30:11 - 00:17:57:02

Foster Mobley

How does a leader develop the kind of self-awareness, presence, maturity, wisdom that you're talking about here? Because this is a wise approach to living and leading, especially by example. And not everybody has this. How does one develop that? How did you develop?

00:17:57:05 - 00:18:32:24

Valorie Kondos Field

I think people acquire it when they are excited about learning and have a continuous growth mindset. It doesn't take long to read leadership books. They all say the same thing. They just use different words. And the first thing is you cannot be an effective leader if you are not self-aware. And you have to have self-awareness through self-assessment. And so if you are a person who is excited about learning and you get even more excited when it's it's affecting you personally.

00:18:32:27 - 00:18:52:24

Foster Mobley

It's funny, that moment of crisis, you know this story. I'll repeat it here. UCLA Softball Kelly I took over from legendary Sue Inquest and for her first two years was posturing. And things got so bad, parents threatened to go to the chancellor of the university to have a removed. Couple of people were threatening to walk off the team.

00:18:52:24 - 00:19:18:01

Foster Mobley

The noise through the media. I won't say social media because that wasn't a strong member. The media was just crazy. And she got to Oklahoma City and the noise was so desperately loud that she just threw up her hands and said, we're going to go play. And she stopped trying to be something that she wasn't. A legendary coach named Sue inquest.

00:19:18:01 - 00:19:34:28

Foster Mobley

And she became Kelly I and she has remained Kelly I from this point forward. Took all the pressure off of the team. They won the national championship the moment the crisis caused her to just let go of everything. And it sounds very similar, like in your case as well.

00:19:35:00 - 00:19:57:02

Valorie Kondos Field

Yeah. As a leader, you can hold on too tight and it's the ego. And similarly, our last national championship we won in 2018 and there were six teams on the floor. On the last night it's called the suit. It was called the Super Six. It's now down to four teams, but we were in fifth or sixth place. The entire competition.

00:19:57:05 - 00:20:14:20

Valorie Kondos Field

And we went to the last event, which was balance beam. And we had a really good beam team. And for every student athlete, you know, as a head coach, you have a cue for them. You got to tell athlete can't go up and compete unless the head coach tells him they're cute or reminds him of their cue, even though they have been doing this, you know, the whole season.

00:20:14:23 - 00:20:42:18

Valorie Kondos Field

So the very first student athlete I went up to, she grabbed my hands with me, the eyes and said, I got this. And so and I didn't say anything. I like, I released it. I released the ego from thinking, oh, this my my athlete can't compete well unless the head coach says some things. Like I said, I released that notion and she said, and you can read about it in my book.

00:20:42:21 - 00:21:15:09

Valorie Kondos Field

but literally we had we had to average a 9.95 a of five of the six student athletes and of the other five teams that had already competed on beam. There was not 9.95 earned and we had an average five. And it's like the only way I know I know this so clearly had I coached from my ego and said and reminded them of their cues, they would have done well.

00:21:15:09 - 00:21:32:17

Valorie Kondos Field

But we ended up winning by the slightest. The smallest margin in NCAA history. We would have not have won that national championship, and we won it because I stepped back and I just let them play.

00:21:32:19 - 00:21:39:25

Foster Mobley

It's so ironic that stepping back is one of the most powerful aspects of leadership. In that event that you could ever imagine.

00:21:39:28 - 00:21:43:25

Valorie Kondos Field

It is. I mean, what does that say to your athletes? I trust you 100%.

00:21:43:28 - 00:22:04:06

Foster Mobley

No question. Part of your responsibility as a head coach was to bring on younger coaches. What's the best way to coach up one of those young coaches into this not entirely lacking ego, but less ego than they might have otherwise into a into a more other centered thing.

00:22:04:06 - 00:22:36:13

Valorie Kondos Field

The first person that comes to mind is the one that you have worked with as well. Jordan Wieber and Jordan Wieber was an Olympic gold medalist. She was a world champion gold medalist, and she came to us and after she graduated, she decided to stay on as our volunteer coach. Well, she had never coached before. And so I said, you're going to be in charge of floor the floor exercise, and you're in charge of everything that goes into that the periodization of the training, the tumbling.

00:22:36:21 - 00:23:03:25

Valorie Kondos Field

I will choreograph the dance, but I will tell you how to clean it. And Jordan was 22 at the time. So she's the same age as the student athlete. So the seniors on the team and she says to me, okay, myself, I can do all that technical stuff. But when it comes down to competition and it's one on one and I have to say something to the athlete before they go up on floor, that's when I need you to step in.

00:23:03:28 - 00:23:30:02

Valorie Kondos Field

I said, no, you don't. I said, I will be there if you absolutely get stuck, but you got it. She goes, how will I know? And okay, let's go back to what Coach Wooden told me. I said, just trust your heart to. You'll know. I said, but I'm going to give you, you know, just just remember, coach them from the place that they're at and not from a gold medal.

00:23:30:02 - 00:23:43:09

Valorie Kondos Field

Olympian spirit. And our team on floor that year surpassed every other UCLA gymnastics floor team that we've ever had.

00:23:43:11 - 00:23:45:21

Foster Mobley

That says a lot because you've always had talent.

00:23:45:23 - 00:24:12:10

Valorie Kondos Field

We've always been known for our flaws, but that tumbling was never as crisp and as sharp as the choreographic performance of it. Had I micromanaged her, I don't think we would have done as well, because her modeling the behavior for the student athletes and allowing them to see that she was figuring it out with them, gave them grace for her.

00:24:12:12 - 00:24:21:23

Valorie Kondos Field

And so a lot of times, you know, one of the best things an athlete can do sometimes is they want to do it for their coach. They wanted to do this for Jordan.

00:24:21:26 - 00:24:57:18

Foster Mobley

When when the stormy seas are rough and the waves are cresting over the bow of the boat, which the environment says, that's kind of what the environment leaders are facing right now. We can either stand rigidly on the helm of that boat, holding on to the way we've always done things, and we can shout commands and we can lower sales and have people follow our every move, or we can kind of lean into that and develop better connectedness with and partnership with the people who are really trying to lead, because we're in this together.

00:24:57:20 - 00:25:22:01

Foster Mobley

And one of the things that I've noticed that really prompted my desire to do this kind of book is that there is more leveling of power. These days, more partnership, notion of leadership rather than power over commanding telling. Now there's more asking. There is more inquiry. We have to treat people. Really. The realness factor is really important, especially for, you know, millennials.

00:25:22:01 - 00:25:35:07

Foster Mobley

That said, what are we doing this for? Life is short. So tell me why we're doing this so more real than this? More meaning focus. But all this stuff's not new.

00:25:35:09 - 00:25:56:27

Valorie Kondos Field

I think that there's also the flip side of the leaders authenticity is the people who are being led. Because I think, like as you're speaking, I'm hearing so many of our youth saying, I have to be true to myself. I'm sorry I had to say that. Okay. But are you being authentic and true to your end goal?

00:25:57:00 - 00:26:05:07

Foster Mobley

Yeah, and I love the third Rumi Rumi question is it necessary as a voracious reader and a lifelong learner, what's what are you reading right now?

00:26:05:08 - 00:26:31:19

Valorie Kondos Field

I am dive into stoicism and I just got through reading Stillness is the Key. His first book was The Obstacle Is the Way. I think it's weird because when I was reading the Obstacles away, I'm like, well, I'm a stoic, but duh. I've never looked at obstacles as things that hold me back. I get excited about, okay, how am I going to go around over through this thing and I'm going to grow through it?

00:26:31:20 - 00:26:41:22

Valorie Kondos Field

You know, like my chemotherapy. I'm not supposed to go through cancer. Wait till it's over. I'm going to grow through this experience. I'm a frigging stoic.

00:26:41:24 - 00:27:01:26

Foster Mobley

Hahaha. Well, Valorie, it's so fun as always. I just love chatting with you and learning from you and, just so treasure our relationship that's now spanned, I don't know, 15 years or something, and and many, many, obstacles and paths and learning all of it.

00:27:01:28 - 00:27:16:21

Valorie Kondos Field

And you know what's interesting, Foster? Thinking about some of those, some of the best responses to those obstacles. And you and I discussing them was quiet and stillness.

00:27:16:24 - 00:27:37:10

Foster Mobley

For a deeper exploration of your own journey you can find tools, stories and reflection questions in my book Leadersh*t: Rethinking the True Path to Great Leading, or by following me on oscial media. I'm on LinkedIn and Instagram as Foster Mobley. Until next time, step wise.

00:27:37:13 - 00:28:06:19

Jana Devan

Thank you for listening. To Step Wise. Step Wise is brought to you by Doctor Foster Mobley, edited and promoted by his Zettist. You can listen to more episodes wherever you stream podcasts. Find out more at Foster Mobley m t dot com, or follow us on social media at Foster Mobley. That's Foster Mobley. Why we look forward to having an inspiring conversation with you soon.